Jen

John’s service was wonderful, thank you for welcoming us all and sharing him with us. I tried to promise myself that I would get up and speak yesterday, but just couldn’t muster it. Your Dad and I both spoke at that same church for John Lane’s service years ago, he was a huge support to me during that very difficult time and all throughout my early sobriety especially. 

I had this image in my mind yesterday of him on the steps of the church at Cassy’s service when I arrived and he was greeting people he said to me “we gotta stop meeting like this kid”. John was a good egg…..with a gem inside. 

Today I had a cathartic drive home on my lunch hour, the tears came down and I wrote the attached poem when I got home. This is what I would have shared had I had the courage yesterday, or at least the gist of it……. 

Ok, also probably the story about the time your Dad told me after a meeting that he had been sitting behind me during the whole meeting picturing himself sitting at a wooden desk in class as a little boy and he wanted to grab one of my pigtails and dip it into his cup of coffee as if it were an inkwell! I had long hair then and I had it in pigtails tied with red ribbons…….. yes thirty something with pigtails but in my defense I was newly sober (getting divorced) and barely 12 years old emotionally, so I had some rather silly outfits! Pretty sure I wore my hair up after that though, never certain if he would decide to follow through and attempt to cafe ombre my locks! 

John also seemed to be the only one to notice my extreme discomfort another time (during my “wear short skirts and tall boots when you are angry period”) when I stomped into a meeting whipped off my long coat slapped it violently onto the back of my chair and plopped myself down abruptly only to realize I very suddenly and truly was feeling WAY under-dressed (and over-dramatic)……After the meeting was over John said something to me like “you truly stuck out like a sore thumb Jen Jo and you should have seen the look on your face, but don’t worry I don’t think anyone noticed”…….of course he then chuckled even more watching me look around and note I was also the only woman in that meeting…….good grief! John always helped me make it through my mistakes or rather from one mistake to the next right thing without having to drink……….and to learn to accept my humanness. 

I hope all these little glimpses of your Dad through others eyes make navigating his loss a bit easier…………..he is so loved and missed.